


I’m high on your love

by hoard_of_hades



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Autism, Autistic Character, Drabble, It’s mutual but they’re both awful at love, M/M, Pining, Spencer Reid Centric, Spencer Reid is a gay mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-05 07:56:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14039679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoard_of_hades/pseuds/hoard_of_hades
Summary: Spencer Reid had a crush on Derek Morgan, and Derek Morgan was busy being devastatingly handsome; as usual.





	1. Walk a mile in my shoes

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a short little thing about Spencer Reid and Derek Morgan, though it mostly revolves around Spencer. As a queer individual with autism I have always related to him and enjoyed the chemistry he had with Derek in the first ten seasons, but there won’t be any physical contact with them in this piece. It’s mostly just Spencer pining after the BAU’s resident bad boy. Enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer goes for a walk and discovers a thing or two about his feelings surrounding Derrick, cue panic!

The leaves littering the path ahead crunched beneath Spencer’s boots, announcing that autumn had finally arrived in Quantico, Virginia. The bitter air nipped at his nose and blew strands of wavy, brown hair in front of his eyes. His mother had been badgering him about cutting it for months, but he didn’t really plan to. That was mostly thanks to his beloved colleague: Penelope Garcia. She often complimented him on many aspects about his body, and she did the same with anyone and everyone. But his hair was the most common object of her affection, saying it framed his face and accentuated his cheekbones nicely. On one instance of her chiming in about his appearance, Morgan had joined in and sent the butterflies in his stomach absolutely raving mad.  
Derek Morgan was stunning. He was a real, ‘mans man,’ and had a sense of confidence about him that would’ve most likely come from a place of arrogance in his younger years. Spencer didn’t really go after the masculine type, or rather they didn’t seem to go after him. He was skinny, with little muscle definition and about a foot and a half up on most people. Tall, lanky and pale; what a dreamboat. He’d never considered himself as the kind of guy anyone would take a second look at, or get even a lick of the attention that Derek got; but bygones will be bygones. Attractiveness wasn’t an important aspect of being a good FBI agent, though he’d be lying if he said he didn’t wish for it. But Derek, gorgeous and savvy Derek, had an abundance of charisma and good looks. If Spencer was being truly honest with himself, he couldn’t really muster himself to actually feel jealous. Which was odd, because whenever he encountered any man who looked nicer then him he’d be overwhelmed with a longing to look like them. But Derek was an exception, and after working with him for almost ten years he came to a very plausible conclusion: Spencer Reid was majorly crushing on Derek Morgan. In hindsight, the flushing of his cheeks every time Derek even looked in his general direction probably could’ve made that apparent from day one. Not to mention what one of those award winning smiles did to him, and his voice. Oh, that voice. It was deep with just a hint of gravel and it cut through Spencer’s guts like a knife through butter. Damnit, Spencer had a crush. But he’d be a fool to pursue it, as any romantic affiliations with your work colleagues were frowned upon. It more or less an unspoken rule in the BAU, which was the main problem. Yep, his big issue with asking Derek out on a date was definitely the rules and not the soul crushing knowledge that Derek didn’t find him in the least bit attractive. Ok, so he’d never actually outright and told Spencer this, because that would be weird. And very un-like Derek. Whatever! So, yes, Spencer was just scared of actually doing anything about his feelings; so what? He never claimed to be good at romance, being an anxious and autistic ball of coffee did that to a guy. It didn’t matter anyway, Spencer was just as happy being Derek’s friend as he would be being something...more. But he’d really like to kiss him, like, a lot. Friends don’t want to kiss each other though, or at least not in the way that Spencer wants to. He sighed, curling a thick lock of hair around his finger as he strode through the park. Walking always helped to clear his head, especially when a tricky case like this one arose. It had always been hard for Spencer to focus ever since he was young. His mother put it down to the stress that followed after his father left, but the army of doctors who surrounded him as a child disagreed. Being diagnosed as autistic didn’t really come as much of a surprise to him, nor was it something he was ashamed of, but Spencer had always felt uneasy declaring it to others. Hotch was aware, and Gideon had been too. Emily had probably guessed along with JJ and Garcia, judging by the way they tended to avoid physical contact. Whether or not they connected the dots to autism or Spencer just hating touch, he didn’t know. But Derek was different. Of course, the unexpected clap on the back always caught him off guard; but he welcomed any moment Derek could be touching him. It started with their hands brushing together if they were standing close to one another, and then over the years it escalated to the odd hug and Spencer using him as a human cushion on long rides in the jet. Derek loved to touch people, Spencer noticed, and just generally liked people. It’s not that Spencer didn’t, it was just hard to relate to them. Understanding serial killers was a different matter though, as there was a very clear separation between him and them. He was the one standing behind the glass with a gun strapped to his hip, and they were the criminal handcuffed to a chair. Simple. But people outside of murderers and predators were so much harder to click with. There was a certain point in Spencer’s thirty years where he’d just stopped trying to date people. It didn’t matter that he came home to an empty apartment at night because he’d always have the BAU by the time the sun rose again in the morning. That sense of routine was reassuring, especially when Derek would greet him in the break room and hand him a steaming hot mug of coffee; letting their fingers touch momentarily. Spencer really did have it bad, he thought to himself.  
Two more blocks and he’d be back at the hotel the team were staying at, Spencer was reminded as he neared a familiar street corner. They were still residing in Quantico, but Hotch came to the decision that they should stay in close proximity to the killer’s next potential target. It made sense and so Spencer had agreed with it, no questions asked. But there was one little problem: he had to share a room with Derek. The man he was insanely smitten with. Shit.


	2. The lonely hearts club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whilst Spencer's out, Derrick ponders about their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter! This time it's from the perspective of the one and only Derrick Morgan. I hope you all like it!

Derrick had arrived at the hotel an hour or so ago, occupying himself by flicking through a magazine he’d found in one of the room’s many drawers. The place was surprisingly spacious, Derrick had quipped, but upon seeing there was only one bed, his gut wrenched. However, as he did most things, Derrick ended up putting it down to being tired, dirty and just generally stressed. But, after working such a gruesome case; he really wasn’t surprised. Two young introverted teens (much like Spencer, he had thought to himself upon seeing their case files) had gone missing several weeks ago. Typically, this wouldn’t of been a top priority to the FBI, but one of the children that had disappeared was the son of a wealthy American senator. And the other child, to cut a long story short, had a pretty extensive and grizzly history of violence. All in all, the odds weren’t great for the senator’s kid. That, and the fact that a total of four teens just like the one currently missing had ended up dead in a matter of months. So, the chances of finding a fifth body in the next few days was pretty high. Jeez.  
Ok, feeling like crap was to be expected. But being this bummed out was pretty out of character for Derrick. Still, he’d tried to treat this case as he would’ve with any other. Though he’d sensed that something had been off with one of his colleagues, namely Dr. Spencer Reid. Spencer had brushed off any of Derrick’s attempts at friendly chit chat with one word replies and awkward laughs, immediately alerting Derrick that his friend wasn’t feeling great. It must of been the case though, as he had taking off a couple of minutes ago to go for a walk. It cleared his mind, he’d said, dismissing Derrick’s offer of company. That wasn’t anything unusual, but still. Derrick would be lying if he said he wasn’t worried; was that weird? He hadn’t noticed anything overly odd about him with the exception of their dry conversations as of late, and the fact that as soon as they’d reached the hotel room and Derrick began unpacking his stuff Spencer just kind of stared off beyond him. Or at him, he couldn’t be sure. He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. Spencer didn’t always make sense but when he did, Derrick could listen to him talk for hours. Though, typically after the first half an hour he’d always end up interjecting, reminding him to slow it down and that Derrick wasn’t in any rush to ditch him. His pace wasn’t actually what bothered Derrick though, or anything about his speech for that matter. It just seemed to him like Spencer always spoke with such an urgency, as if he was afraid that Derrick would just up and leave him mid-sentence. He kinda got it though, he really did. Spencer hadn’t exactly had it easy growing up, always being an outcast to his peers and held to standards too high by his tutors and family. He suddenly realised that maybe Spencer had never actually had a best friend before, which made his heart ache at the thought. Because that’s what there were, Derrick thought. Friends. And friends cared about each other a completely normal amount. Normal, Derrick repeated. This was normal.  
Paging through his magazine he found himself pausing at a particular advertisement, letting his fore finger trace over the image of a ring in a small, velvet box. Maybe he was lonely. Spencer, Derrick meant. Not him. Derrick wasn’t lonely. Was he? He had the team, he had...the team. Ok, so maybe he was a little lonely. It’s not like he couldn’t make friends though. He was confident in himself, his image and his personality. He liked to think he was an all around pretty fun guy to hang out with, so how come he didn’t actually have any friends outside of work? Sure, he’d had a few girlfriends here and there but nothing serious. The past year he’d actually been on the receiving end of a few break ups, which was an unusual role for him. It always came down to one thing though, and that was that he was too, ‘focused on work.’ He solves murders, for God’s sake! Of course he’s a little wrapped in that shit. And besides, it was a big responsibility. Plus it was, y’know, his fucking job! Nevertheless, Derrick was lonely. But how did you stop being lonely? He’d tried drinking, years ago. It didn’t help to numb the pain that much, besides the obvious bouts of aggression in the place of his sadness. Though, there was a little nagging sensation in a brain that told him that maybe he wasn’t actually lonely. Maybe it wasn’t that he just needed some good ol’ human contact, but what he actually needed was something more. Something from someone he already had in his life. Love, perhaps? Derrick fully, completely and wholly knew what that meant. It’s just whether or not he was prepared to take that leap for something so risky, after all he could lose a friend. But not just any friend; he could lose Spencer. And that thought scared him a fuck ton more then being a little lonely.  
Tossing his copy of Us Weekly to his chosen side of the bed, he hoisted himself off of the mattress and decided to tick at least one thing off of his mental check list: a shower. Watching the dull spray of the shower head and the slow run of water down the drain was transfixing. He felt the compelling nag to run his fingers through it, but not touch it. Just feel it, inside of himself. The warmth, the grip, the pull of something. Just something. He peeled of his shirt, grimacing at his still aching shoulder. He’d told anyone who had asked that he’d just misjudged the distance from his bath tub and the floor below, slipping and breaking his fall with his arm. Silly Derrick, falling victim to a very common and plausible accident! Only, the truth was a little more embarrassing. He’d being strolling down the hall of the bureau, as one did, and upon noticing Spencer he’d stopped dead in his tracks. ‘Don’t you dare,’ a voice in the back of Derrick’s mind had warned, but he couldn’t help but let his eyes wander. Spencer was wearing quite possibly the tightest pair of jeans that he’d ever seen, the fabric hugging him in places that Derrick was ashamed of looking at. Not looking, staring. A lot. Wanting to avoid Spencer’s gaze when his attention was very much focused on his thighs and just general...crotch area, he started to turn on his heel, realising a little too late that he was a fraction too close to a wall on his right hand side. And, as you could imagine; he smacked right into said wall. How anyone could’ve missed such a spectacle was a miracle, and Derrick silently thanked whoever up there was on his side. It’s just, Spencer was pretty. Like, really pretty. With his hair long and messy, often being twiddled around one or two of his slender fingers. It was really quite distracting, and Derrick was almost certain that Hotch had caught him looking longingly at Spencer’s preoccupied hands more than once. But, his face and body in general wasn’t the only feature that took Derrick’s fancy. Spencer in general always had Derrick in awe. He was sharp tongued and quick witted, catching Derrick off guard as they’d bantered and he’d ended up not listening momentarily to...well, stare. Again. Derrick may or may not of had a slight problem. But he’d been burying his not-so-secret crush on Spencer for years! Why should today be an exception? Oh right, he reminded himself; they were going to be sharing a bed. Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will most likely be the last as my next goal is to actually have these two useless nerds interact. Stay tuned!


End file.
